


Dirk and Amanda Rob the Mothman

by cosmicocean



Series: Social Distancing Oneshots [2]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, heavy discussion of mothman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23274979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: “So here’s the thing,” Amanda says, testing her hot chocolate and making a scrunchy face when it turns out to be too hot.Dirk leans forwards, intrigued. They have twice monthly coffee shop meetings, more if Amanda happens to be in town, and he is well versed enough in Amandaisms at this point to know that if she says so here’s the thing unprompted, there is something interesting coming down the pipe. “Yes?”“So here’s the thing.” Amanda stirs her hot chocolate with a straw. She says stir sticks are too weak and therefore too inferior as a stirrer, so she prefers straws. “There’s no known photos of the Mothman.”Pretty much what it says on the tin, gang.
Relationships: Amanda Brotzman & Dirk Gently
Series: Social Distancing Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669312
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	Dirk and Amanda Rob the Mothman

“So here’s the thing,” Amanda says, testing her hot chocolate and making a scrunchy face when it turns out to be too hot.

Dirk leans forwards, intrigued. They have twice monthly coffee shop meetings, more if Amanda happens to be in town, and he is well versed enough in Amandaisms at this point to know that if she says _so here’s the thing_ unprompted, there is something interesting coming down the pipe. “Yes?”

“So here’s the thing.” Amanda stirs her hot chocolate with a straw. She says stir sticks are too weak and therefore too inferior as a stirrer, so she prefers straws. “There’s no known photos of the Mothman.”

He considers this. “Are you _sure?_ I’m almost certain I’ve seen photos on the World Wide Web.” Dirk is not especially proficient at the Internet, having generally considered it a frivolity for people with the money to be able to access it on their phones and own laptops, which he did not for quite some time. Todd and Farah are determined to teach him because they say that it is “now necessary to function in human society, Dirk” and “you gotta know how to redirect people to our website, Dirk, this isn’t the Stone Age”. He’s gotten much better, but he insists on continuing to call it the World Wide Web, not because it’s so deeply ingrained in him, but because pretending that it is deeply annoys Todd, and Dirk finds it delightful. It’s sort of cute, how easily irritated it makes him. He’s thinking about referring to social media platforms as “the Bookface” or “the Tweeters” next.

Amanda shakes her head. “Nope. I already checked it out. You’re just thinking of Bigfoot photos, there’s a _lot_ of Bigfoot photos.”

“Hm.” Dirk thinks it over. “You know, all things considered, I’d think there’d be more photos of Mothman, certainly he’s no Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster, but he’s popular enough in his own right to have people looking for photos of him.”

Amanda slaps her hand on the table. Several older couples nearby glare at her and audibly tsk. He even hears a man mumble about young couples these days, and Dirk briefly thinks about heading over to dispel the notions of his and Amanda’s perceived heterosexuality, but ultimately passes, too curious about where Amanda’s train of thought is headed. “ _That’s_ what I thought. So then I started to wonder: why aren’t there photos of Mothman? What could keep Mothman out of the limelight? And then it hit me.” She points at him. “ _Light._ ”

It hits Dirk like a headache and he gasps also loudly enough to get tsked at. “Of _course._ ”

“ _Right?_ ”

“ _Right?_ ” Dirk starts talking with his hands, waving them around. “Of _course_ , because if moths are attracted to light-“

“And if Mothman’s whole thing is general mothiness-“

“Then he’s going to spend all his time around bright sources of light-“

“Then it’s gonna be really hard to get a good photo of him because it’s so hard to get good photos of bright sources of light.”

Dirk claps once. “ _Outstanding_ work, Amanda.”

“But wait, there’s more.”

Dirk leans in even further than he was leaning before. “There’s more?”

“There’s more.” Amanda leans in as well. “What do moths like, other than sunlight?”

“Collapsing bridges, evidently. Which is a bit rude of him, I always thought, what did bridges ever do to you?”

“Not Mothman, moths.”

“Oh. Frightening me when they unexpectedly fly in my face?”

“Nope. _Clothes._ ”

“Continue.”

Amanda grins. “So Mothman’s gonna have a lot of nice clothes lying around, right, for his diet.”

“Of course. Only the best for Mothman.”

“So Mothman’s got some fancy shit, and I’ve got closet needs, as I’m sure you do.”

“I mean, you don’t have a closet, you ride around in a van with smelly energy vampires who’ve never heard of changing a shirt.” Dirk does nod, though. “But point taken.”

“So _I’m_ thinking that you and I rattle around, search for Mothman in places with really bright lights, and try and get him to give us some of his _extremely_ dope clothes.”

“I’m in,” Dirk answers immediately.

Amanda grins, clearly delighted. “I thought you might be.”

“Must’ve gone well, then,” Todd says, glancing up when Dirk walks into the office two weeks later.

“What must’ve gone well?” Dirk asks innocently.

Todd straightens from where he’s bent over his desk. “First of all, dude, you can’t just leave a note on your desk that says _top secret adventure with Amanda back soon put it on my tab_.”

Dirk sniffs. “I don’t see why not.”

“Second of all, you don’t have a tab, that’s not how this works.”

“It _could_ be, if people weren’t cowards.”

“Third of all, Amanda kept texting me about your great Mothman adventure.”

“This seems to be a very long and unnecessary list, Todd.”

He ignores that, which Dirk thinks is a little rude. “And finally, that jacket looks like it’s pretty good quality, and completely out of your price range.”

He smugly lays his light blue leather jacket over the back of his chair. He’s usually not one for lighter colors, but for a good jacket, he is willing to make an exception “ _Very_ much so.” He shows Todd his wrists. “I got new cufflinks, too, look.”

Todd looks confused. “Mothman has cufflinks? He can’t eat those.”

“Oh, no, I bought them myself on the road.” Dirk tilts his wrists back and forth so the silver hockey sticks catch the light. “Aren’t they nice? Very fashionable.” Amanda and Todd have done their level best to get him into hockey, which they love on account of people with sticks fighting other people with sticks, and Dirk has to admit, he’s actually pretty fond of it. Amanda has been trying to persuade him to get into roller derby, but there’s an awful lot of shoving there, and Dirk really fails to understand the appeal of a sport that’s mostly shoving.

Todd looks amused. “Glad you had fun.”

“Come on. Why don’t you show me how to update the Graham Crackers for the office?”

“It’s Instagram, and also I hate you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was actually originally going to be about Bigfoot for a hot second, but then I remembered Hannah and I have a discussion about Bigfoot in one of our unpublished works, so I decided to pivot to Mothman, and I’m pleased I did, cause I hit on the plot pretty quick.
> 
> [These are Dirk’s cufflinks.](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/61009769939632824/)
> 
> [This is Dirk's jacket.](https://www.intermixonline.com/dw/image/v2/BBSL_PRD/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-masterCatalog_intermix/default/dw818ba862/images/2019/OUTERWEAR/10_OCTOBER/HARTLEYBLU_1.jpg?sw=2000&sh=2000&sm=fit&irgwc=1&irclickid=2KnXJR3bWxyOUBuwUx0Mo38VUknS5DxpQxSJzw0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=Shop%20New%20Arrivals&utm_source=ShopStyle%20Inc.)
> 
> This was prompted by an anonymous user on tumblr!
> 
> [Come find my fandoms and guidelines for prompts here!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/post/612622816132628480/give-me-prompts)
> 
> [Every once in a while one of my fics gets a bunch of comments in a cluster from different users, and I’m pretty sure at this point it’s because it’s been recced. Which is exciting! But I’d love to see it when it happens, so here’s a link to my tumblr! Feel free to tag me!](https://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/)


End file.
